I just wrote a nice blog and it disappeared. Well I will have to rewrite it later tonight. I can’t believe that, I should have saved it. :/
I know I am a day or two early but this was on my mind and I wanted to post this before it got away from me. We all have had some hard times one way or another, finances, family, employment and etc. Everyone is waiting for see what will happen with the Fiscal Cliff, especially Missourians. I don’t watch any of that because at the end of the day whether it passes or not, things will be the same. Both sides of congress will be fighting over money. I will continue to pay my bills, get kids ready for school, do my housework, attend school, and be my best at being a housewife. Do I worry? No, I don’t and won’t because I know the one person that will be there for me and my family no matter what. God will always have control over what we do. So my plan is to live each day in a more positive way. After all the tragedy that has happened in the world, I am so grateful for being able to open my eyes, put my feet on the floor and rise to a new day, a new chance at being a better person than I was yesterday. I will set small goals so I will be able to reach the larger goals. Any negativity will be ignored and dismissed. I plan to look at life in a very positive way. We all will be faced with some challenges, good or bad, it all in how we will react to them. If there is a tough one and you can’t or don’t know how to fix, take it to God, and leave it alone. Don’t panic and try to fix it yourself, let Him work it out for you. Trust me, I have had some challenges that should have landed me in a mental institution. 1988,1993 and 2012 were the to worst years of my life, and during that time I was raising my children along with some of my children friends. I have dealt with some highs and lows and I’m still going by the grace of God. I am 52 years old and should have a head full of gray hair but I don’t, I refuse to let and lows get me down. All we can do is live life to the fullest, learn how to enjoy it, but keep going. Everyone should stop being in such a hurry to do or to get to where they need to be and take the time out to smell the roses, they smell so good. I know it can be hard at times, but if we have an ounce of faith and believe that God will work it out, then that’s a big start. My wish for everyone in blog world and all over a safe and prosperous new beginning in 2013. Let’s go and have fun. See you all next year, and Much Love to you All.
This blog is one that is more for me. I need to say goodbye to a year that changed my life as well as the life of my children and three of my grandchildren. This will be the last blog I do regarding my daughter. As I reflected back over the year it bring tears to my eyes because this past year was surrounded by me taking care of her and it was a year for making memories for my family, something we had to do because at the time we didn’t know how much time we had. Memories are made daily with family and friends, but this was something different. 2012 is a year our family will never forget. It was a year that had it’s ups and downs. The first six months was spent going to chemotherapy three days a week and doctor appointments once a week, dragging oxygen tanks with us. She was on it daily 24/7 so we had to take it everywhere we went. In the midst of that, we attended birthday parties, barbques, and church, we went everywhere together. We love going to thrift stores, and LOL we lived in Wal-Mart just about every day. It was our place. In July we took a trip to Las Vegas to surprise my other daughter who had no clue that we were coming. When she saw it was us she broke down and cried tears of joy. The trip was long, we had two families in a Grand Caravan, (7). It was a great trip, one that I didn’t want to end because I knew it would be Deidra’s last event she will ever do. God had already spoke to me and told me he was bringing her home with him. On the day before our departure from Vegas, we all went to my daughter, Cheri’s home to pray and drank Holy water. After prayer, we were loading up to go back to hotel, and my heart sank when I saw my two daughters say their last goodbyes. Cheri told Deidra, “this is not good bye because I will see you later”. As a parent, it is one of the hardest things you have to do. We returned home, Deidra was admitted to hospital two days later. Friday, July 27th, 2012 she told me she was sorry but she had to go. I had to let her go, as the Angels came to get her. My daughter did everything on her terms. No one expected her to go, not even her doctors. She was ready and God knew it.
The day after her funeral, my sister was immediately admitted to the hospital with leg problems which resulted in her being diagnosed with cancer. Thank God after 14 rounds of radiation to her brain and chest, the cancer cells have just about disappeared. God is good.
After all of that, I had to watch her three children, three of my grandchildren start a new school year without their mother. This is the first holiday we all had to get through without our Beloved Deidra. These holidays will be the hardest especially for her three beautiful children and her twin brother. It is very hard for me, she was by daughter, my first born daughter. And now I am raising her daughter. This year brought many tears, tears of joy and tears of sadness. Leaving 2012 to go into 2013, as a mother I feel like I’m leaving my daughter behind. I know she will always be with me in spirit, but it still feels like I’m leaving her.
Even thou this was a terrifying year for our family, it was a true test of our faith. We have all gotten closer than before and we will start doing more family gatherings. There was never any arguing over anything after my daughters death, like some families do. We are closer now more than ever. But we are praying and believing God will bring us all into the new year with new and great beginnings. I posted this blog to get some relief from this eventful year. I will always miss my daughter, and I know she is with me. But this helps me to heal and move on.
It is so important to me if I can help anyone out there who has issues with family or friends. Please don’t wait until it’s to late to make things right, life is to to to short for anyone to be angry at someone over some minor mess. Take a look around at what’s going on in the world. Are you so pissed with someone that you can’t talk to them and work it out. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person. Oh just so you know, no one in our family was upset with someone else, we are a family that will work out whatever differences we have and move on with lots of love. There is not a day that goes by that we don’t tell a family or friend that we love them. Not saying we are all that, saying we don’t care what happened yesterday, its gone, we just try to make today better so we can move on to tomorrow with more love. Lets love one another, no matter what is going on. Pray for each other and those who hurt you or done wrong by you. Pray and let it go. To all bloggers, Have a Happy New Year and I love you all.
This holiday I really sat and thought about how thankful I am for what I have. The best I received was the gift from God. Christmas morning was full of joy in the midst of sadness. The joy was watching my two granddaughters that we are raising open their gifts. Watching their faces light up with excitement for what they received. The sadness was that this is the first of many Christmas, along with any other holidays and birthdays that will be celebrated without my oldest daughter whom I am raising her daughter. My daughter passed away July 27, 2012. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and her children’s birthdays were and will be the hardest. It was so hard I didn’t think I was going to make it through the day. But God has a way of working things out for the better. Later on that afternoon we went to my son’s, her twin brother’s house for dinner, the first time since her death. I didn’t think I could do it because her ashes are there with her brother, but I did. I never saw the box. Her presence was there with us, we ate, laughed, watch movies and I watched the kids and grands dance to a new type of music, techno. As I watched, my heart was filled with joy and happiness. It is a wonderful feeling to spend time with family and have so much fun. No tears were shed, the sadness was gone because we knew she was there with us. It was a wonderful Christmas Day and I thank God for the best Christmas gift this Christmas.
Family consist of mom, dad, kids, sister, brother, grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles and cousins who are blood related from many generations ago and still to come. There are big families, small families, blended families, extended families and last but not least, spiritual family. But what is a real family?
Years ago when my children were in middle school, something amazing happened. Through my kids, I met two awesome ladies whom their children knew mine. They all went to the same school. One of the rules of my house was to meet their friends parents and this is how I met the other two ladies, one had 5 children and the other had 4; at that time I had 4 of my own. In 1991, ten years after my youngest daughter was born, I adopted a child, my youngest son. Two years after he was born, I was granted legal custody of one of my children’s friend, a daughter. So all together we three mother’s have 15 children. In 1993, was a new beginning of one large and unique family. We were and still are a village that raised all of these kids from middle school to high school, to the birth of our grandchildren. And today we’re still a village who is stronger than ever; there are more children from other families who have joined our village, but it still 3 mother’s. Yes we mothers were married and our husbands all were a major part as being these kids fathers. We all had different homes which the children would go to visit or live. All we needed was to have our homes in close proximity of each other. But it never stopped us from doing what we had to do for our children. We never turn children, no matter what their ages, away. We do get together for family fun time, such as bowling, game day, or any activities the kids or grands are participating in. If someone is sick and in hospital, a private room has to be ordered because of the amount of family that will visit. We do that in shifts because it’s so many. Our children had few friends, but for the most part as siblings, they prefer to be with each other and their kids. Everyone is very supportive of everyone, no matter what is going on, we are all there. This is all we have know for so long that it is natural to us.
This is why I ask the question, what is a real family. I have heard so many stories about how families don’t get along, always arguing, fighting, and not being there for each other. This really saddens me to see and hear about things like that. One of my girls was upset because she couldn’t understand why her own family was treating her the way they do. Never there for her when she needs help, her sisters don’t support her with any life changing events, mother doesn’t either. She has been apart of our family since 2008, along with her son and boyfriend. I read a blog they other day about the same thing. This person was upset because her family was disrespectful and rude to her, and never wanted to support her for the exception of her mother. It pained me to hear or see things like this. Life is just to short not to love each other.
One thing I will never to is overstep my boundaries when it comes to family problems. The only thing to do is listen, offer help and support. The advise I gave them was to never stop loving your family, but sometimes you have to step away and let them deal with whatever is going on with them in their personal life and pray that God will deliver them from it. In the meantime, they need to forgive and move on. When your mind and eyes have been cloudy with tears from all the crying, it’s hard to see that God has put other people in your life who will be that mother, father, sister, brother, etc. People that love you no matter what and will support you. God knows what everyone needs before we know, and he provides those figures at the right time. There was a reason God put our village together, he knew we were going to need a certain type of support that our blood families weren’t able to give us at the time. He knew that we all needed to have people that we could trust and how long it would take to establish that trust, with each other and with our children. We have gone through births, deaths, marriages and divorces (mine) together, and the support through it all was there. I know how bad one can hurt behind family and it was God that brought us out of it, allowing my blood family to heal and move forward. It’s wonderful.
With any family, relationships will be tested, there will ups and downs, good and bad. The people that have been around you for many years, and are true to you, are your True and Real Family. Never stop loving your blood family, forgive them, pray for them nonstop and continue to move forward with your life. Always keep God first, and he will give you the family you have long for. God is Love.
Me and my children
Yesterday’s events left me with a heavy heart. The tragedy that unfolded as the day went on, 20 children gone in a matter of minutes, along with some of their teachers, psychiatrist and their principle. The devastation of losing a love one in such a horrific way has left me numb and speechless. As the tears streamed down my face, all I could ask was why, why, why. All I wanted to do was run to the school and get my girls and keep them here with me, but I didn’t, instead I began to pray, pray for those innocent babies who are now with God. Only God knows the real reason why all of this happened and only God can send his comforter to the families who went home without their babies. And only God can comfort the rest of the world as we grieve with the families. Now is the time we all need to pray, and keep praying. Pray for our love ones as well as our enemies, just pray and know that God will bring his people through it all. Love one another as he first loved us, no matter what. Pray, people, Pray.
The age old saying, “Women Can’t Raise Boys to Become Men”. This statement needs to be changed to “some women can’t raise a boy to become a man”. When I hear this it, it kind of rattle my nerves a bit. In today’s society women are raising their children alone, they are both mother and father to their kids. I bet if there was a poll we probably would find that majority of women are raising their children alone. Sure every boy needs a male figure, preferably his father, to raise him, be apart of his life, but for the most part it won’t happen and this cycle really needs to stop. First let me say this, I am not bashing men, because I do know there are men who are raising their kids, and the number is growing, and that’s a good thing. I am not here to put anyone down either, whether it be male or female, and this goes for all people, not just a certain group or race.
First off ladies please be careful who you choose to sleep with, this is how it all starts. We just can’t get together with a man because he is good looking, or his bank account is large, but make sure he will be there for you mentally as well as physically. I do believe that a couple should discuss whether they plan to have kids or not, whether your in a relationship or not. This works both ways. Men if your plans are not to have a child just yet, they you too should be responsible enough to wrap it up. You make sure that you use protection no matter what she says. Both parties have to think before reacting. Men, 5 minutes of please and a 18 years of child support, think. I just needed to put that out there because that’s where it all starts and ends with the woman.
The very first thing a parent must do is keep God Almighty in your life, pray to him daily to help you with raising your children.
First, a little about me. I came from an abusive home, my dad was the abuser, physically. I was pregnant at 16 with my first two, twins, girl and boy. Went on to having two more, and adopting two, so I have four daughters and two sons..My oldest and youngest are the boys. I did graduate from high school with my twins in the audience. And yes I raised my children alone while I finished high school and there after. So now I hope to help women who are raising boys to be men. Okay ladies, yes you can raise your son to be a man, a good man. When your son(s) are little, know that there is more to than just dressing them in the latest fashions, these little men need more than that, and please stop with the babying them. Yes they are your babies just like my two are, but they are boys. Ever wonder why you see some boys who start acting feminine, well it’s because they are raised in a house with all females, and no one will go and toss a football or play army men with them. As a mother, you have to do what they like to do, not just tell them to outside and play, but get involved with them. Okay you can’t throw a ball perfect, but get out there with them and throw the ball, play their type of sports. I was fortunate to love sports, I played softball, football, basketball and pool. I only played softball on a team. Not only will it help your son, but it is good exercise too. This lets them to know that they have a parent who is interested in what they like to do. Put them in different sports activities, go to their games, cheer them on. You have to be tough on boys, go old school with them. By that I mean, go back to old days where boys worked and did chores according to their age. Start them young, young as 5 yrs old with small minor responsibilities. Boys look for that role model, they want to be like grandpa, or Uncle Joe, but now its grandma and Aunt Debbie. Nothing has to change as far as how we raise our children. I’m old skool, my oldest son’s father was never around, so I filled in and did what a man would do with his son. The only thing my son didn’t care much for was the sports, but since my dad was into electronics, he picked that up. My father wasn’t around when my son was growing up, he went on to glory. But my son had those genes in him and that’s what he liked so I helped him by nurturing his talent. One thing you must do is keep the line of communication open. Yes I was hard on my children, my boys especially. I wasn’t going to have them around me and the girls crying all the time. He had chores according to his age, taught him to cook at 7yrs of age, and by the time he was 9, he was cutting grass, learning to plant veggies in a garden and how to do laundry. I taught him how to talk and treat girls, about the facts of life. I have lectures every week about life. There is a 13 year age gap between my sons, but I raised them the same way. My youngest son was into sports, so I was the soccer, football and ROTC mom. When it came to discipline, depending on what they did, what the punishment would be. I was tough, but loving. So yes they did get their behinds whipped, or grounded, and yes you have to play crazy with them sometimes. Example, youngest son didn’t set trash out, so I slid the can straight to his room, hitting him in the head, he woke up and knew he was in trouble. The oldest (16yr old) took my car stayed out all night long, no phone call nothing. He tried to sneak in the back door, and I was standing right there when he opened it, told him to stay out of site all day, he did. You just have to be strong, and not baby them. Talk to them, listen to what they are saying whether you like it or not, teach them responsibility, teach them right from wrong and most of all teach them respect for others, and the law. My main point I stressed to all my kids, GO TO JAIL FOR DOING SOMETHING STUPID, AND THAT’S WHERE YOU WILL BE, I’M NOT COMING. None of them went to jail, did drugs or committed a crime. But they did go to work, school and graduated. Today, both sons are married with children and working to support their family. They are heavily involved in their kids life, from home to school. They do it all.
Again, always keep God in whatever you do and you can and will make it.